ideas

So, the reason why I seem to have so much time to be able to freely type like this, is simply because i do have the time! howevor, i have some modeling assignments lined up for me so i can make some money and be able to pay off some surcharges i owe to the state and some bills i owe as well. i still feel like i cant think, but that feeling will shake away as soon as i take care of these priorities i have so that i can move and not have to worry about having warrants or anything like that. i swear, the beginning of the year was not good for me! i was getting pulled over and getting speeding tickets and another DUI, it really messed me up. putting me on hold i suppose. im not about to be put on hold anymore. what is in store for my future? well, this is a new chapter. this is a new conclusion to my life. oops! not conclusion! a new beginning! im serious! i plan on writing a few books, and one of them is my journey, lets say, to prove a point.so, all my life...lets see...i always felt something..like i am going to be somebody. and the need to is not some fulfillment because i felt like a no one growing up, i suffered from being very quiet in school and the insecurities kids have, yes...but you know, i dont take life that seriously. i think i can accomplish anything i want...i want to prove it.my journey is starting. it should of started, but forces, maybe forces that i subconsciously do myself, allow me not to succeed any further. i am pretty wise, i think. i used to not be. i used to be very clueless.here is a basic whatever...overall feel for who i am etc...i have grown up with my family. my dad is an art teacher in trenton. he teaches the little black kids grades k-8. he is goofy and kind of nuerotic i would have to say. he has temper tantrums. he was the youngest out of three other siblings. his mother, my grandmother, Elba, must of babied him alot. My grandmother was from puerto rico. she died when i was 5. i remember her as a loving, chubby christian woman who didnt speak good english. i remember her beans and rice. her husband, my grandfather, grandpa joe, was always drawing for us and telling us stories. he was from ireland, i think..he died when i was a teenager, so i remember more of him. my whole family, on the brown side, more or less, are goofy silly characters with good hearts but dont mind making a fool of themselves to build others up. they dont mind acting the funny types with eccentricities. anyways...my dad kind of worries too much about things. he resembles kramer and like, who else, al pacino and like, my friend jeremy told me he reminds him of the dad on friends, the one who was on american history x..i dont know!?! (had to throw in a visual)hmm...my mom is from senneterre quebec, where she grew up with her mother, my 'cocoom' and her sister monique. she had a brother that was um...oh i cant think of a pleasant word (dont laugh), but he was handicapped and died. my grandmother doesnt speak english or french. she just speaks cree. she likes to sit in the free house, nice house! and watch soap operas and the price is right. she also likes her folk christian music and gospel tunes. she always wears a bandanna around her head. very solemn. i want to see her before she goes. i need to go back to canada soon. i really do. maybe dennis will want to go with me! that would be nice!my mother resembles the cartoon pocahontas, although now she told me someone told her she looked like roseanne! when she had her longer black hair! hah!!! again, another visual...ok, and then i have my sister lisa. lisa who was a chub of a kid, i used to call her 'big stuff' and i think shes never quite forgiven me for it! i think i gave her a complex! now she is beautiful. she is skinny and has breast implants, well, she got those primarily for her own self esteem. hmm..since im saying how everyone resembles, she slightly resembles angelina jolie. and then there is sage! sage is 7 in second grade gonna be 8 christmas eve. she is very smart and silly, just like the family! very accutely aware, but goofy and knows how to ANNOY!!! she is cute! dark like a baked bean. she loves jesse mccartney and ming ming the kitten. and barbie.com and she utilizes google.com if the chance becomes her. she also likes to cheerlead and play soccer and dance in pow-wows.she has a lil half sis summer.anyways...just want to familiarize with some of my immediate family.and me, well, lisa said i reminded her of laura ingalls from little house on the prarie when i was younger. i dont know!?! i always wanted to be punky brewster or the girl from return to oz. but anyways, i was creative and always making up my own toys and stuff. i would make a mini pool with cut-outs so little cardboard cut out people could peek through. i made a little town out of cardboard (lisa later cut up), i made cartoon bodies with face cut outs so we could put our face through ("were not kids were faces see faces!") anyways, i made mermaids and put clear tape around them so they could get wet..ETC ETC..also i would make little books and staple them together and sell them. bla bla bla....one of them was called silly sayings..."when they say your nose is running, its not really running!" and a picture of feet coming out of the nostrils.ok i feel like a dork talking about my childhood! enough!but, anyways, always wanted to be in a movie or so, always wanted to do modeling, always wanted like, to be miss usa...(not now i dont. although i have met miss universe natalie glebova and miss afghanistan vida samazai-great girl!!!).so i have started things, just never finished. in high school for some reason i could of had alot of friends etc..i mean, lets see...i had to wear glasses from like, maybe 2nd to like, 7th grade then i got contact lenses. i had braces. when i went to high school, i didnt look bad. i even had one of the teachers pay to much attention to me, which made me uncomfortable but he was cute too. weird! hahaanyways, i mean, i had friends of course, but i was too quiet. i had a boyfriend who was in 12th grade right before the summer. he was hot. blonde hair tall football player. i dont know!?! but of course i was insecure, like any normal teenager. TEENAGER!! haha!i was in art classes, but i did take a shop class too. my beautiful model-esque friend jami, who was loud mouthed was with me. i had loud mouth friends. missy was cute and loud. i was just a quiet sidekick i suppose. i also dressed kind of 'alternative' cuz that was sort of the style back then. BLA BLA BLA!!!um, how do i not make it bold anymore? wordpad..kiddingsigh! this isnt in myspace! wonder who is reading it? perhaps i shall put it in myspace! conundrum. what does that mean a-gain?ok, then my senior year i went to warren tech, a vocational high school. i took commercial art where me and buddy KIM would sit with our lunchboxes and be silly girls putting on victorias secret pear glace and we had our buddies too. that school was more full of alternative, punk, um..hmm..skinhead, hacky sack playing types...i dont know!?! a few of them are now on myspace friends! YAY!!! hurray!! HIP HIP HURRAY!!!!ha! high school was a good time all in all. wish i had taken more pics. now i always have a disposable camera on hand! i love taking pictures! i love documenting life. which is what i intend to continue to do!ok so a recruiter started contacting me. her name was sargeant silver. i was working at wendys at the time and was planning on attending fashion design school. i had no help. you would think with my father being a teacher he would of helped me with um, financial aid and all that..nope. sargeant silver helped me. she bought me chinese food, weezer tapes, took a bunch of girls to the male strip club. she was great! she later got strangled by her drill sargeant boyfriend, whom i had to ride in the car with on the way to meps. talk about uncomfortable car rides. it truly was. she has a place in my heart always. so i went in the army the november after i graduated high school. nervously got shipped with a bunch of other kids to ft jackson south carolina. the drill sargeants during the whole, i forget the word...but they were worse than our actual sargeants. my platoon had drill sargeant ..oh my goodness! i remember how they look but forget there names! oh well! it was a great platoon, girls and guys. such a great comraderie. i looked like a dork with my B.C.Gs (birth control glasses they were called)...anyways, PT every morning, followed by a canteen of water. chow!! i learned all the parts and the serial number of my M-16..rucksack hikes to the shooting range, i love the smell of gunpowder...haha! in the morning! wait, what movie is that from? for real tho, i do like that smell!!! i shot m-60's, grenade launchers, threw grenades etc...((at this point i get impatient and want to publish, but it just is making me go into the army chapter of my life, where i have so many stories!!! TOO MANY!! HELP!!!))i graduated basic training with the rest of them! my buddies...i remember my one little cute friend, demarcus...she was short and cute and funny and once again, a loudmouth..and the redheaded friend, and my fellow native american friends, and my lil guam girl, de-de ...oh no! cant think of her name! plus i have blinking aol buddies lights and stuff....delgado!! and all my big brothers who supported me..it was a good timethan my fam came to visit me, pre-Sage...and drove me to ft benning georgia!! airborne school! i remember the wheat night smell. i had a somewhat nerve-wracking feeling. i wrote all about ft. benning. its in a notebook. course i cant find this notebook...its somewhere in my house. sometime i will just have to add it to my recent recollections, but i do remember Bryant. he was like, a E-2 ..but in the army a while..him and his friend.. he was hot! he had 'smiling brown eyes!!" i love those!! cute!! bad boy! haha he got in trouble alot...i could keep writing but ...im not lost in that world right now..i could very well be...hmm....hmm......one day i just will have to write my accounts in ft. benning. i mean, it was fun...then i went to monterey california for the defense language institute at the presdio of monterey to learn spanish. i was supposed to study every night but instead succumbed to partying and being stupid with guys...dummy! dumb girl i wasanyways....oh...so i got an honorable discharge. then like, went out with glenn for a few years, worked at the mcdonalds, walmart photo labs, went to community college...back to my dreams and goalsi have always been someone to want to do things! one summer, i met this girl kate. she was alot of fun. she was glenns friend. she was shorter than me, happy, free spirit who liked to drink wine and write. she was pretty too..classic looking. i dont know who she resembled. jewel? yeah...anyways, i always felt if i had a friend to go places with me, we could do anything in the world we want. so i had always ideas. once we went to this invention submission place (i am also kind of naieve, well, i was..maybe i still am who knows!!?!i wanted to invent footguard! an invisible shield which goes over the soles of your feet so you could still walk barefoot but not get any germs..public showers, beaches, whatever...ha! ive noticed dreamers in this world who always envision ideas and whatnots...most of them never fall through. my dad once invested with this crazy guy about some sort of spray which supposedly would be a fire barrier, a fire protectant...oh boy! anyways....hmm..oh i was on the howard stern show as a nervous looking girl in a cherry print bikini stupidly answering mindless questions such as how many sides in a pentagon and winning 1000.00...anyhow!>!! i want to start being serious about life and just...whatever...since this is going on myspace, im stopping with my thoughts in my head...for some reason i feel a overwhelming feeling...cant SHAKE IT!!!!STOP!!!