life is frustrating

cliche cliche cliche,,,life is frustrating. no nothing exciting happenend, no new york no la...just nj....and frustrations, depressions, accusations, whatever....i did plan a trip to san diego this wednesday, so i can get some good headshots and then i was going to go to apartment in beverly hills, contact ceo of big agency out there so i can read for the casting agents, and contact some party promoters etc for promo type jobs, but i hear anand is going to be therer, and he is so crazy and controlling, there would be no way i could go out and do my own thing. he thinks he will be the one to 'discover' me, make me the next 'it' girl...and then take 10% off what i make, contract me as if he is going to be my manager. i dont think so. i am only using him to get my foot in the door, but i met people on my own, not through him. i was going to stay at the beverly hills apartment then do my own thing, now i have to wait till after may. anand wants me in the city tomorrow so i can pay photogapher steven, one whom took the cute pics of me and tiger...well, i would rather get free ones but i want those baby tiger ones. anyways, i cancelled my flight and now im feeling a little hopeless cuz what am i going to do here? mope around? DRINK??? make a fool of myself? Cry???? myspace it????? whatever else there is to do...waste away?????? i cant believe this...this is retarded...im gonna start xanaxing it...xanny bar...like jessie always says...little skinny jessie. she wants me to visit her in long island. maybe i should....who the freak knows!???!!!